“There will always be some random thoughts of death.”
Something most cancer patients could relate to. I know, because I also have these random thoughts on random days.
There are days I forgot about my cancer, except for the obvious flat chest, the surgical wound I always see when I take a bath, and the numb sensation around it, but over all, I certainly feel NORMAL on most days.
But there are also days, when the sudden random thoughts of death would visit me without any patterns. The thought that reminds me that I am still a cancer patient. The thought that says, “Don’t be too happy coz cancer might just be sleeping”. And finally, the thought of “what if I Am I really dying soon? What would my fate be?” It makes me sad. But I sit with these thoughts and acknowledged them because they are also NORMAL. Yes, it is normal for someone who just ended up chemo. It is normal to be scared when you slashed a year in your life because all you’ve done was battle cancer the whole time. And it is normal to feel uncertain. But, LET THESE UNCERTAIN TIMES BE THE TIME TO LEAN ON TO THE ONE WHO CERTAINLY KNOWS ALL THINGS… GOD.
I would sit with my emotions and patiently wait for them to vanish. During these moments, I’d drown myself with my personal playlist of praise and worship songs, meditate with the word of God, and cast all my worries and fears to the Lord in prayer. It has always been effective. Always.
Truth is, who can control the manner of his own death? His Time? Or his Fate?
Fear can always be used by the devil to draw us farther from believing in God almighty. Our weakness will always be were the devil feed.
It is okay not to be okay. But, it is not okay to battle it all alone. He is always present.
Life of Fi 